The way I see it, life is like a game of cards. From the time we are born, we are dealt a hand. We play a hand and life moves along. Sometimes a hand unexpectedly ends. This happens when you or a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. The last hand is finished so we “toss in” the cards, after this we shuffle, we deal, and we play the new hand. It is a cycle, just like the grief cycle or what is commonly known as the change cycle.

The change cycle has thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions and positive or negative attitude or energy that is associated with each stage. It is not good or bad it is just what happens.

Years ago, I became aware of this cycle, because my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very scary, confusing and upsetting time. However my mom with incredible wisdom would say to me, this is the deck Sharon, now we have to deal. I now have a name for this. I call it
“The Cancer Card Cycle™”.

The Cancer Card Cycle™ is a tool that I developed that marries the change cycle with a card game. Its purpose is to normalize all of the thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions, raise awareness, show how it relates to attitudes, creates easier transitions and helps people deal with cancer through the power of choice.

Here’s how it works. The cycle begins with the diagnosis of cancer. This is the shocking event. The hand that we were playing has ended, and we “toss in” our cards. Initially we are paralyzed from the news. After the shock of the cancer diagnosis settles in, what do we do? Well just like a card game after we toss in those cards we start to shuffle. This is the part of where the rollercoaster ride truly begins. Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and detachment of ups, downs, twists and turns are now in play. It sometimes feels as if its never ending and we want to check off this ride. I find this part of the hand to be a danger zone. Why? It can be a vicious cycle of destructive energy that can keep us from choosing to move to the next stage of the card game. However, it is also extremely normal and necessary for coping.

So what happens after we shuffle? We deal those cards. This is the stage where you start to deal with the cancer, or the testing stage of the change cycle. We are evaluating our options, reaching out to others and putting it all in order. We are “choosing” what direction to take, what treatment, what oncologist, what support group. There are many choices and opportunities.

After the cards are dealt and put into order, we then “play the cancer card hand”. Just as we see in the change cycle, we accept what is happening and move into positive forward action. Now, as we all know, we can experience set backs. For instance, the cancer spreads or the treatment causes severe side effects, which can trigger us to be in the shuffle, dealing, or even the toss in phases of the Cancer Card Cycle and it starts all over again.

Each of us can be in different parts of The Cancer Card Cycle™ at any given time. There is no set order or right or wrong. All of our thoughts feelings, emotions and actions are all very normal. We do know that there is a direct link with positive attitude and laughter to well-being. So, life is like a card game, we get dealt a hand, however, the choice is how we play that hand that truly matters.

Sharon Roth-Lichtenfeld, CPC, ELI MP,  BFA is a Certified Professional Life Coach working with people who have grief, loss and pain in their lives. She specializes in supporting people who have cancer (or are in remission), divorce as well as death of a loved one  and caregivers. She brings caring, passion and compassion to her clients through workshops, one-on-one coaching and teleclasses. Her purpose is to help people to become aware of the power of choice, to inspire and support others so they can not only manage, but thrive in the face of change and adversity. Sharon can be reached at Sharon@goodgriefcoaching.com or www.goodgriefcoaching.com.